Im moody because I havent had sex in a week…..what do we do now…oh and the dog ran away from Brian this morning, down a really long curved hill. Woo-Hoo

So today, I went through a roller coaster of emotions…every single one of them, had to do with that amazing boyfriend I was talking to you about.

Well he had a rough day at work yesterday…granted he did have duty so i mean there is that, but i for sure did no help the cause.

We were on the phone and i was so excited to see him today, as we pre discussed, Well, he went from being super excited as well, to yeah after noon, to not at all. Well that didnt go over well with me in the slightest bit. I was so happy to see him since i had only talked to him for 12 minutes in a span of 2 days and i just wasnt letting that happen.

Then we went on about how he feels like he needs to entertain me every 5 seconds that i am here, which also, he doesnt. I dont know why he feels that way at all. I love when we hang out and do separate things and jjust kis eachother when we pass by. 

But then i went on a rant of all the things bothering me lately. His company is all i really needed…like if im a sad for a moment, i want to be able to go just hug him and know everything will be okay…its weird when he is my safe zone…and i dont know how to tell him that without him freaking out..maybe its to much to tell a person.

So, i got him even more upset, he said “I just had a rough day and i dont need someone barking at me” and i was trying really hard not to “bark” when i was talking to him about how i felt. I just knew if i didnt say something then, my long ass drive to get my brother would have just been a drive of me over thinking everything in my relationship, and god knows we do not want that at all.

I pissed him off…..So he got anxiety times a million, then went in his room in the dark and slept…well me being me…I have to fix him…I have too…I cant just let him waste his day off because of me, so i grabbed tequila, and the beer he used to drink with one of his best friends, and i randomly showed up at his house…..im not crazy…jk I am. So i did it..and i was shaking i was so afraid to just show up here, ive only done that one other time to prove a point that he cant avoid situations. 

Well, needless to say, it did not over badly. It went pretty well actually. I brought my computer and my coloring thing so that i knew i had something to do, and that he did not have to watch over me.

I laid there in bed with him, rubbing his head, scratching his back. I made sure he was comforted, waited for him to get out of his bed, then i noticed how messy his room was…his room is never messy, its his space it’s always clean…So what did i do…he was talking to the contractors and I cleaned up his room and his bathroom.

I had one goal showing up here, and that was to make sure that he was happy and being productive.

Current situation, I am sitting on his back deck enjoying the sun, while squish is inside doing things that he needs to get done.

Which is exactly what needed to happen.

Now I am going to go grab a pupperino and I am going to bring him over here and play fetch in the back yard.

Over all, I am happy today, I fixed my boyfriend with cuddles and alcohol, and nothing has been more satisfying to me..

except the fact that i only had mad things like alcohol and cigerettes to cheer him up…RIP liver and Lungs, this is what i do to people….I kill them slowly…Love right?

hazel2468:

pastel-buttons-n-bows:

sidlink-ship-fuel:

elizawritescrap:

spacemonkeymafia42:

plaggnoir:

elfwreck:

anexperimentallife:

oh-my-meoww:

suicunesrider:

magic-in-a-bottle:

toomanyfandomsforonetobemyurl:

survivor-surviving:

diamondsamura1:

thewonderfulthingaboutfish:

nutriecutie:

cl4yton:

parskis:

i swear to god, men raising their voice is the most terrifying thing in the whole world. they dont understand, like its an immediate panic response, game over

I actually had no idea women found this so scary

my downstairs neighbors fight on a regular basis, and every time he starts yelling i’m a little afraid he’s going to kill her. i have no reason to think this except that he is a man and he is angry

My math teacher has a loud voice and a temper and he scares the living shit out of me almost everyday. He’s made me and other kids cry more than once and he and his teacher buddies make a joke out of terrifying students.

this was women in general? i knew my gf didn’t like it but I was unaware if this affected most women

Yes, it does

As a woman, I had no idea it effected other women like this. I was too afraid to even talk about it. I thought I was weak. Thanks for bringing attention to this.

My dad thinks it’s funny that I used to cry when he raised his voice. I freak out whenever some one does. Once my director did, and I started crying I couldn’t stop. I’m glad to see I’m not alone…

This is so important– seeing how common this is– and I also want you all to know that this is not normal. It isn’t something instinctively ingrained into women, to be afraid of men. There is no natural state of men being a threat that women constantly have to be afraid of. This is cultural. So many women and girls here have a mutual understanding of this feeling, and I think it really shows an unsettling truth about our society, particularly about how men are raised to act and how so many women have this defensive reaction gradually develop. It’s so important that these people have their voices heard, because it teaches us about problems that we just can’t deny the existence of any longer.

I’m glad I’m not the only one

My fellow men, pay attention. I didn’t realize how scary this could be until one of my exes explained it to me, and it’s heartbreaking.

Also, when we move too much during an argument, or lean forward, it’s scary, and I never knew. I was even a little insulted at first, because surely she didn’t think I would hurt her. But see, that doesn’t matter. It wasn’t a sign that she mistrusted me specifically; it’s a conditioned response. (Although if you keep doing it once you realize it scares her, she SHOULDN’T trust you.)

Not every woman has been physically harmed by a man she trusted, but every woman KNOWS a woman who has.

I used to be horrible about this, because I didn’t realize how intimidating it was. I didn’t understand why the woman I was with clammed up or tried to tell me what she thought I wanted to hear, and I only got angrier, and acted even more like an asshole. It was wrong. It was abusive. It didn’t matter if I INTENDED it that way; it was still emotionally abusive. And it was inexcusable.

I get that when passions are high, and when you’re frustrated, it’s a natural tendency to let your voice get louder, to shout and gesture and lean forward. But you can train yourself to do better. You can train yourself to keep more of an even tone, to refrain from large and fast gestures, to not lean into her personal space. I did. I’m not perfect at it yet, but goddamn it, I WILL be.

Don’t tell me it’s too hard, that you just can’t do it, or that you “shouldn’t have to.” I’m 53 years old and just now getting the hang of it, and if this old dog can learn something new, so can you.

Note to guys: It really, REALLY doesn’t matter if you’re thinking, “but I would never…”

History is littered with the bodies of women who believed a man “would never.” This includes women killed by men who honestly, deeply, truly believed they “would never”… right up until she said that one thing or moved in just that way and he just got so mad, just that once, and pushed her or punched her or slashed her or shot her… just once, y’know, to shut her up, or because she was flinching and didn’t she know that HE’S NOT LIKE THAT and I’LL TEACH HER TO BE AFRAID OF ME…

We are trained, from infancy, that Men With Loud Voices are a source of pain from which we cannot escape, and attempts to escape may result in more pain. And as soon as we’re old enough to comprehend a world broader than our immediate circle, a world that extends into the past and will run into the future, we realize that there is no way, no way at all, to tell which men “would never” and which men “would never… except if.”

We live or die on that “if.” And any man who doesn’t like facing that hyper-vigilance can work on fixing OTHER MEN, not women’s fear.

The reaction shouldn’t be “not all men are like that;” it should be “no woman should have to live in fear.”

It’s telling that so many people will hear a story of long-term abuse and say, “why did she stay with him?” and not “why did he treat her like that?”

This made me cry.

Don’t skip over this.

This hits home for me so hard. When I was in my emotionally abusive relationship, this was constantly a thing. K would ball his hands into fists and lean into my space all the time. Sometimes he would express wanting to punch the walls. I was afraid that one day the walls wouldn’t be good enough.

During one of the biggest fights we had, he was screaming and ready to punch something and approached me so fast, too close… And I panicked. I shoved him away from me. Of course, since he was so much larger than me, I barely moved him. The look of pure rage at that stuck with me for the rest of our time together, and even now. He was so mad, and instead of backing off, he came into my space again and grabbed me - I still don’t know if I was shaking from fear or if he was shaking me - and yelled at me to never push him again. I meekly nodded and told him he looked ready to punch me. And that just made him yell more, saying things like “I would never” and “why don’t you trust me?” While still standing in my space and effectively threatening me. That experience taught me right away that it doesn’t matter if you’re trapped like a cornered animal - the best thing to do is go still like deer in headlights, and not try to escape. When he would choke me, I wouldn’t struggle, because I was afraid that if I did, he wouldn’t stop before I passed out. That he would continue on in an attempt to punish me for fighting back. Whenever we had an argument, and he began to yell, I immediately lowered my head and stopped arguing.

Now, years later, I still flinch when a man gets too close. I bow my head when they raise their voice and won’t look them in the eyes. And I can’t tell you how many of them - People who I’ve laughed with and called my friends - would get so angry at me for doing that. They thought it was horrible that I would assume they were “like that”. One guy I knew even said, “I hate abuse, it makes the women so much more work to get.”

So, you may not be “like that”. I hope you aren’t. But it’s not about just you. It’s about taught behaviours and knowing that it just takes once to end up beaten, or “taught a lesson”, or as a “terrible tragedy” in the news.

More people need to know about this …

no wonder I went into a panic attack in call-fucking hell

I do this all the time. It isn’t even just yelling- when I even THINK that a man might start to get angry with me, I freeze up and go into survival mode. And my guy friends never got it. They never understood. Still don’t understand at all. I cannot tell you how many times I have heard “I would never do that to you, how DARE you think that?” as if I am somehow at fault for this unstoppable, unshakable drive to duck and run and hide whenever a man raises his voice or moves the wrong way. 

Maybe, instead of saying “how dare YOU react like this”, we start saying “how dare someone give you a REASON to react like this?” Instead of being outraged that every time I hear a man’s raised voice I go back to being seven and slipping under my bed when I heard my father start screaming at my mother, waiting for the moment when he finally hit her, or me, or both of us, be outraged that it not only impacted me then, but that it went on for so fucking long that I still don’t trust men at all not to take advantage of that fear and use it to control me. Be outraged that I have had men who I confided in about my abuse then use my fear as a means of leverage- to shout and yell and then guilt me for being frightened and “insulting them” when they KNEW what they were doing. 

I thought I was the only one for a good long time. And I am not. In fact, I can’t think of a single woman who doesn’t have this reaction around loud, screaming men. 

So why not get mad about THAT? 

lastoftheboyscouts:

Groot: I am Groot.

Steve: I am Steve Rogers.

My entire theater 

melanin-king:

mydearest-tish:

aliilovely:

jogeva:

Have you ever just randomly cried because you’ve been holding shit in for too long?

Every week

at least three times a week

I definitely read this wrong…I was gonna suggest more fiber in y'all diet

saviikdofron:

“Tumblr is a hate-free environment!”

….

hemingay:

100% sure im ugly as hell and yet I still expect to be in a relationship with a hot person

slamilton:

[drives up in his bodacious yellow car] whaddup my name’s james gatz but you can call me jay gatsby!!! i’m 32 years young and i live in west egg which is a sick neighborhood that shouldn’t be confused with the healthy protein!! [quick shots of gatsby posing next to various parts of west egg] i live in this BALLER mansion next to my BEST FRIEND nick!! [points to nick who is standing at the door] say what up nick (what up jay) anyways i built this WHOLE thing just so i could impress this sweet piece of ass across the water!! her name is daisy and she’s married to some rich guy. but SIKE i’m rich too!!! i made all my money in the bootlegging business bc it’s PROHIBITION! fuck the government! (fuck em!) thanks nick! [high fives nick] let’s go inside